Better in poverty to have friends than to have a house sunk with costs.Regarding the suggestion to have "as many babies as possible": yes, a large brood can certainly help smooth those lonely moments, as one ages. My grandmother spent long hours in the kitchen preparing meals whenever she had company, and to this day I've had a compulsion to do the same. There's just one difference...I didn't have children. The inevitability of old age seems a lot closer these days. The last time I saw extended family, they were wondering how it was possible so many family members now live alone. What's more, why do so many economic options for my cooking "compulsion" - at least in a small town - exist mostly in "all or nothing" capacities? Hmm...
Even if I had "invested wisely" decades earlier (in term of the aforementioned "Sweet Talk" advice), today's spread out cultures mean few guarantees, when it comes to visits from children and grandchildren. As Ayya Khema stressed in "Being Nobody, Going Nowhere", people die or otherwise "go away" when we least expect them to, and even marry the "wrong" people! Ayya is scarcely alone, in her spiritual recommendation to let go of expectations in order to find peace and happiness. Nor is she alone, in stressing that no single relationship need be thought of as anyone's "lifeline".
Plus, a large brood only provides a partial portfolio of time use possibilities, as many grandparents well know. Even in the best of circumstance, what about the vast quantities of time that remain? And how many thousands of (housing) square feet "wait" for those annual or biannual visits? All the more a paradox, given the fact older baby boomers once crowded into (comparatively) tiny living and dining rooms on a regular basis, for family get togethers.
"Excess" time availability tends to be one of those things that creep up on individuals when they least expect it. For the better part of a lifetime, it seems as though most of one's time belongs to others and then suddenly, unexpectedly, time availability returns. Hardly anyone is really ready, when this happens. How can they be? Even the fortunate in this regard are going to need to rely on a lot more than family to spend days productively. What does this mean, then, in a broader sense?
For one thing, personal planning for those "Golden Years" only goes so far, even in the best of all possible worlds. One can "do" for others - "be there" for others - to the best of one's ability. But ultimately, that will not stop anyone from being alone in some important capacity. Many folk who live into their nineties (such as my Dad) have long since learned to be comfortable with this fact of life.
Was government somehow attempting to make "promises" for the elderly? If so, those promises were mostly in terms of healthcare, plus a little spare change for weekly consumption and local taxes. Was there a rationale that governments could "rescue" time use potential, or was this vital part of life never considered? When people of all ages lived and worked in the same spaces, no one needed to think about it. And while a return to such a state would be desirable, much about present life would need to change, first.
In the meantime, too much of a blank slate exists (sometimes decades), of which one's children realistically cannot be expected to fill. Indeed many elderly do not wish to be rescued by children or government, and they seek to do whatever is necessary to maintain their autonomy and self sufficiency. Just like the rest of us, older folk want to keep reaching out to others. But they quite understandably want to be able to do so on their own terms. Otherwise - just like the rest of us - they lose too much of their self respect.
What about organized religion as a "solution"? When it comes to social isolation, advancing age and chronic illness, organized religion certainly has a good track record. But visits from these kindhearted folk are as sporatic as any other. If not one's children, family, religion, government...
By now the reader probably knows where I'm going with this line of thought. I believe that the desire to maintain lifelong connections can best be filled through economic roles. Perhaps compensation for time spent helping others is not "economic", in the sense of normal businesses endeavor. Who the heck cares, that's not the point.
Rather, the point is there are moments when a little personal time with friendly "others" who don't tell us what to do or judge us in some way, beats just about any product one can buy. As much as family members love one another, "live and let live" can be difficult at times, when too much time is spent together under the same roof. Family expectations are quite understandable. However, the fact they exist is what keeps family relationships from having a true, voluntary economic basis.
Anyone who spends considerable time around older individuals (or those with chronic illness), knows these folk attempt to remain economically viable as long as possible. Then why not generate a real marketplace for the vast wealth of time use potential that exists? A marketplace which would allow every individual to keep reaching out, even after the point when a few might judge that it's not possible for some individuals to do so. Believe me, when there are places where one can go with good reason and not feel out of place - some of which one might even get "dressed up" for - that means quite a lot. Sometimes it's difficult to realize how meaningful economic choices really are, until they are lost.
Economics is well prepared to address isolation, because it can connect the dots in generating a marketplace of choice in time use. In old age as in any time of life, the more choices one has, the freer and stronger one can remain. Few individuals wish to remain dependent on others, in spite of what a lot of public rhetoric might insist. The marketplace can still allow people to reach out in the ways that matter to them most. While this is understood in terms of money, it is equally important in terms of time use value. It's time to make real economic pathways to help overcome the limitations of getting older.
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